Lost My Russian Viewer!!! :( Cry!!!!! (Update: Dreaded School Year)

     If you don't like long posts you would probably hate this post because it is probably the longest post that I wrote ever.

     I'm back like 2 days now, and still I lost my faithful viewer(s) from Russia! There isn't a single page view for the last serveral days from Russia. I now wonder if (s)he/they know that I'm back, and if no I wonder if they are ever going to check out my blog again. (S)he/they (I will be using that term a lot in this post) have actually been faithful viewers of this blog for several months actually. They account for about 38.26% of my total pageviews. Yep I actually did the math, you might find me dumb, but I am very technical as said from all my friends. My friend Vanessa actually wrote a blog post dedicated to me and my technicality. I tried throughout all my posts to keep my technical issues out because it would probably bore all you viewers, but heh I do what I want now. Throughout all these weeks of not blogging I have changed a lot. I learned to please others while not changing myself too much. My point of views of life has also changed from: everything has to be perfect, to: you can make only perfect imperfect things. In other words, if something is perfect there isn't a point to continue. I use to do too much on making what's perfect, even more perfect.
     Also, other than changing my motto, I also changed how I dress. I use to dress to please my mother, because usually she decides what I wear. And it is usually oversize t-shirts and jackets, and a pair of straight or baggy jeans. She really hates tight clothing, but I always wanted to wear it, and if I don't please myself and be unhappy. Why must I please others? Thats why my wardrobe now contains my favorite skinny jeans, and slim jeans. Other T-shirts that aren't oversized, but I'm still going to wear them because I'm still a fan of comfortable clothing. However I still enjoy wearing oversize jackets and sweatshirts, because I just like them.
     I'm also counting days of summer vacation left until the dreaded day which is: September 6th 2012, when summer vacation is offically over. On the day of September 6th is offical day that school starts for all New York Public Schools. Wait Vanessa, if you are reading this you must think that I am wrong, because on September 5th you have to pick up your program cards, and take new ID card photo, but technically the offical start of school is September 6th. Lucky me because I pick up programs on September 6th and can leave school, but sadly life isn't that simple. On September 6th, there would be assemblies that would be held, and would take like two hours. And then afterwards, program changes and everything would take place so another two hours would be taken. So in total it would take about 4 hours there. Sadly again, the freshman assembly would start at 11:30 AM, so if I stay for 4 hours, I will get to leave Midwood at 3:30. Sadly yet again, I live far from school, and I'm sure that no one would drive me, so I have to take the train, then transfer to bus, which would take another half to an hour for me. And I didn't add in the time that I have to wait for the subay and bus. Also, taking subway and transfering to bus would continue throughout the whole school year wasting about two hours of time each day which could be used for me to sleep!!!!!!!
     I wonder how from talking about my lost Russian view, I went to ramble about my dreading school year ahead. Yeah since I already rambled about the dreaded school year I'll keep on rambling about it. (At this point I will say that the update on the title was just ocmpleted and I'm going to keep rambling about the school year!) I'm wondering everyday whether next year I would meet new friends, because I already miss all my old ones. I miss Vanessa, Roko, Matthew, Khriisty, and even Vladimir Tod. There are so many more I would write, but I don't want my whole post to be filled with names. However I will never miss one person and that person is Sharon, because for the next four years I still have to endure it with her in Midwood High School. And sadly, I think that we would be in the same classes because we both have the same accelerated classes that we took last year. However happily, probably we would have different electives but proabably we would still have the same major classes like English, Geometry, ect. I do not make friends easily because I am actually a very hard person to make a friend of. I don't trust people easily and when I actually do, I think of them like siblings, because only siblings (which I only have one, and I don't trust her at all, oddly) can you trust with your deepest secrets. It took a really long time for me to meet and befriend them, and I don't really want to repeat the process again. However I guess that I have no choice, and I really don't want to meet bad friends, because sadly there are villianous people out there, and I don't want to repeat the same mistake I made in 5th grade.
     Other than fearing of meeting new friends, I'm also dreading about geeting good grades. Throughout Elementry, and Middle School, I was a star student. And now moving onto High School everynight I fear that next year I won't be getting good grades, because I'm scared that Midwood would be too hard to me. I don't want to be an average student, I like beig smart. It's like part of my identity, that smart kid, and I don't really want to lose it. As everyone will say, study more and you will be smart, but I don't work that way. If I study instead of gaining extra knowledge I confuse myself, and memories of inteligence that I remember would be scrambled, and I would be helpless. In other words, it confuses me and I get dumber.
     Also, next year I want to join a sports team, as I always enjoy swimming and tennis, I wonder if I should actually joing a team. However, I get out of school at 4:30 so if I actually join, I wo'n't get home until 7 or 8. I still have homework and projects to do probably, so I am really reluctant. But sports look good on a college application (yes even though I'm only going to be a freshman I worry about college. You might think I'm stupid, but I want to be ready by the time I acutally submit my college applications. Better safe than sorry!!!) Other than worrying about friends, my grades, sports I also worry if Midwood is safe. Since it's such as large school I wonder if people there do bad things such as drugs, and I'm scared that I would be pulled into their rings, and ruin my life forever. I feel as though I'm worry about it too much, but I am a worry wart.
     I actually right now feel a lot better, becaúse I'm actually expressing what I feel through blogging, and I like expressing my feelings. ALthough I do have to watch I say here, because I don't know all viewers, I still can say things that I won't tell my aprents. If I tell my parents of the above, they will probably tell me that if I don't want to go, then don't. Yep they aren't the most supportive as you might think. My mother is much better than my father, but I still cannot sya things to her that I would want. You might think that my life seems very hard, but I know that there are people's lives who are harder than mine a hundred, a thousand amillion times harder than mine. For example, people in areas such as third world places, would think that my worries are stupid, ebcause instad of worrying about having friends, they are worrying about whether they would have food for their next meal. I sometimes hate myself, because I have much wants, but then I would compare my life with others who are much sadder than me, and then I would feel guilty. And after I get what I want I would feel bad again, and say is it ven necesary? And then of course I would say no, and they feel even guiltier, and blame myself. I sometimes feel as though I need a therapist, but then after several hours, I would feel all happy again.
     Boy have I gone really off topic, but all this rambling does get alot off my mind. And I just remembered something, that last a lot I type I typed it as alot, and I remembered how my old Englihs teacher would pretend to puke when people spell it wrong. I do have a weird life.

     If you didn't actually read what I posted, I won't blame you, even I think it is really long!!! Good ay to all you viewer!!!